AT Loki’s Hands, Pt 3: Truceless
After I was shown the Net, I was left trembling in awe, my heart beating in my throat; I had found out something important about myself and where my heart (oh, and more) belongs. That encouraged me to explore my devotional relationship with Loki further than He was challenging me to do.
Up until that moment, it had always been Him Who opened to me, in a way, for me to open up to Him. I remember those first months with some embarrassment at how long it took me to actually say aloud even the simple words “Loki, I invite you into my life”. After He had shown me His house, and I had glimpsed a moment in which He was less than sure, was even wavering, I wanted, needed to give Him back some of that… openness.
And so, I started actively exploring. Of course I knew about the cave, who doesn’t. But I always felt that if I went there, it wouldn’t be true. Oh, it would be given from the heart, but it didn’t feel it as a burning need, and so, in late fall last year, I had not had any experience with that place. And that was about to change (boy, was it ever).
At some point, I came across a video on youTube that struck me to the core—as other truths had—and just left me knowing what I needed to do.
The video showed a scene from the Lord of the Rings films (Return of the King, I think), in which one of the hobbits (Pippin) swears fealty to Denethor of Gondor. The mad steward has Pippin sing for him while he eats, and as he does, the film shows muted, slow motion cuts from a battle lost; lost to the madness of denethor, lost even before it starts.
I think you may see what I’m trying to say.
I am a singer. Always have been… In retrospect, I realise I was a little dense there. But be that as it may, that video incident marked the beginning of my work for Loki Bound. It also marked the beginning of my relationship with Laufey: before I went there, I asked Her for help with the daunting task, and She taught me how to sing for Her son.
I went there many times. The first time was the hardest. I didn’t know whether He even heard me. He certainly didn’t acknowledge my presence in any way. I don’t know how long I sang, but it was for a long while. I never moved, neither towards nor away from Him. He was losing the battle against His madness, as He always must. But I saw it, and it is something else to know it and to see it in His eyes and hear it in His scream. It was only when I stopped that He looked at me, and what happened then is between Him and me. But I returned many times after that. Sometimes He would be lucid. Sometimes, I would clean out His wounds. There is always, always pain; it is torture, and He is a God. There is something utterly heart-shattering in that simple observation. For the next months, all my work would concentrate on Loki as this God, the Bound God, Who slowly becomes the Mad God, and Who slowly bound me in more ways than I knew then, and probably more than I know now.
Up until the point where He called me away, not only from my various online pursuits, but also from the cave. (But that is for another time).
Now Loki was taken truceless, and was brought with them into a certain cave. (Gylfaginning 50)
This line in the prose Edda, that little word “truceless”… from the very first reading, it made me shiver. The drawing for this week shows His capture, and His struggle, futile as He knows it is.
Hail Loki, Bound and Binding
About the drawing: pencil and coloured pencils. I wanted a different colouring, so I gave the skin a green tint—the cave is reflected in the skin tone. I used a photo of a sculpture by Stephan Sinding as a reference.
Part 4 here.